This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
