jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
