Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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