i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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