Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
