he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize