fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
