i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
