No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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