He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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