took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
