I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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