I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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