Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This house was built for laser tag.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
