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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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