No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
