cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I still have a little drunk in my system
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
