"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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