I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize