Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
