doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize