Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
