sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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