Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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