was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
