I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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