I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
