paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize