We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
not ubering you a puppy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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