he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
