You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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