do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
