that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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