Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just forgot I was standing up.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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