You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
