she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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