physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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