i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
