YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
