I need help removing her.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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