Please, let me fuck your mom
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize