i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize