he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
