I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
