God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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