Sponge bath it is.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
