Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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