She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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