Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Blood and glitter go together right?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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