i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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