She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
