she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
