I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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