I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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