why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
