went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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