Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
