actually, I'm a sock model
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
