the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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