I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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