i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize