Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
