I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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