Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
