I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
