I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
