I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
