if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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