sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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