Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
