i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
