Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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