sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was born a porn star she said
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
