sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
