Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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