I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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