there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
