And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
