I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize