i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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