I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
