i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
