I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize