he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
