I will die if light touches me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize