What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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