Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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