the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
