i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
