Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize