You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
