a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we're making bets on your personal life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize