I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
