Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
