New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
